S is for Shit, I’m running late

S is for Shit, I’m running late.

So it’s five past eleven and I’ve only just turned my laptop on. While it was loading, I was racking my brains for a good word, knowing that if I attempted to look online for one, I would only get distracted by awesome words (Yes, that actually happens. I love the English language, and words are pretty damn amazing). It wasn’t until I opened wordpress and then glanced at my clock that I knew what I would write about. The line ‘Shit, I’m running late’ literally ran through my mind and bam, post already half written in my head.

So while I was waiting impatiently for my browser to properly load, my mind ran off with this line, and I got thinking about all the other times I end up running late. It happens far, far too much. I can’t even give a good reason for it. It’s not through being unprepared, because there have been times when I have the things I need ready and waiting. There are nights when I know I have to be up early the next day, so I get the clothes I’ll be wearing out and waiting, and I prepare whatever items I’ll need the next day. I’ll even prepare my coffee so all I have to do is boil the kettle and pour the water.

On the contrary, the more prepared I am, the more likely I am to end up running late. There have been several occasions when I’ve got up late and arrived where I needed to be bang on time, alternately, I’ll get up with more than enough time and end up at least five minuets late. It’s infuriating, especially when I hear the words ‘you need to be more prepared Hayley’ followed by a frustrated sigh. I just feel like throwing my hands up and screaming at those times.

I don’t doubt that some of you will be thinking ‘well, don’t get up early then’ but then I just end up tired and bitchy because I haven’t given myself enough time to actually come round and wake up properly. It’s a no win situation that I find myself in far too often.

How did it get so late so soon? Its night before its afternoon. December is here before its June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon? — Dr. Seuss

It gets late early out there. — Yogi Berra

 

The only reason behind my failed attempts to be both prepared and on time that I can think of is that my mind works quickly. I work better when I have to rush. I do thing quicker and the end is result is usually better than if I take my time with it. Also, I can’t stand doing nothing. I hate it. Boredom of any sort cripples me and I end up getting down and depressed. So If I find myself with nothing to do for anything length of time, I’ll find something to do. I’ll read something, I’ll check Facebook on my phone, anything to stop that moment of doing nothing. So when I’m all ready and prepared with time to spare, I’ll do something like read my book, or browse the internet or other such tasks that enables time to run away from me.

I’m the sort of person who likes to fill every second of every day with something to occupy my mind in some way. So much so that I find it difficult to sit and watch TV. Simply because I abhor sitting and doing nothing. My hands have to be busy as well as my mind. Not only that, but TV doesn’t occupy my mind very well and I often find my mind wandering until I have no idea what’s going on on the screen in front of me. Audio books are the same. I can put one on and for a little while I take notice of it, but then my attention wanders because I’m trying to think of what I have to do the next day, or where to go in my WIP. Then when my attention returns to the story being told, I find that I have lost a chapter somewhere.

Now, all this sounds like I’m complaining, but the simple reality is that I like it like this. I like that I feel the need to keep my mind constantly active. I like that I am constantly doing something, even if that something isn’t physical. I am always being productive, though often it’s not easily seen by other people. I would much rather think ‘Shit, I’m running late’ than sit and do nothing for the 45 minuets I have left when I’ve finished getting ready for whatever it is I am getting ready for. I’ve said in a previous post that a friend told me that time was the most precious commodity, and though I’ve always known this at a basic level, I never realised just how precious time is. I dislike wasting time in all honestly. Although, yesterday I said to another friend that I was simply passing time, but I don’t think I pass time, so much as use whatever time is empty to do something. I fill the time I have, rather than allow it pass unused.

So screw it. I’m not going to be bothered about running late, I’m not going to stress about it. I’m not late because I’m lazy or unprepared, I’m late because I would much rather fill my time productively, than waste my life waiting. I personally believe that waiting for something it the biggest misuse of time possible. If you can do something while you wait for something, then you should. Don’t throw away one of the few things we can never ever get back.

The clock never stops, never stops, never waits. We’re growing old. It’s getting late. — Ben Folds